Rambling: The Seesaw of Online Engagement
This was originally started in 11/22/24, abandoned, then picked back up.
There's always an underlying feeling in the back of your head that you know an opinion or piece isn't like when there's barely any likes. It's quiet. But when someone else that has a following posts the same exact thing you said, all of a sudden it's acceptable. "YASSS QUEEN, POP OFF," but ignored when a lesser person called it a long time ago.
I won't lie, I want to talk about things that make people uncomfortable. I want to tear into subjects that I believe are problems, but I'm simply too schizo and aggressive to do so. People swear they want authenticity, honesty, the works. Unless it's either directed at them or something they like. Then your content is avoided because "Oof they give me the uncomfy vibes, so not chill. :(" Everyone wants their fix of comfort. Can't provide it? The algorithm will link them up with the perfect dealer. You only have 5 hearts on your post anyways; are you even qualified to be in this space?
The honest truth of it all is that I get fits of envy once in a while. It's easy to feel un-person'd online when all of your words get sucked into a black hole. Or maybe you worked really hard on an art piece but a low effort shitpost completely blasts your work out of the water. Maybe you made a cool music track only for some Soundcloud rapper to swipe it and rake in hits once he throws his vocals on top. The common denominator I've seen is somehow, some way, all of the people listed have a knack for getting lots of people to pay attention to them. Funny how someone who feels stressed talking to people wants more genuine engagement on their posts, right? I'm fully aware of how all-over-the-place I sound in my posts. I have so many rapid thoughts, that I just mash them together and call it a day because it finally got out of my system. I'm not interested in making things look nice or carefully crafted.
Algorithms, rating systems, and bots are more deeply tangled in the trenches than I thought. I found out the hard way a long time ago. Curating your feed doesn't even seem worth it anymore because content you don't even care about still gets through. The masses (fueled by some bots) are paying attention to this so you should too! Get angry about this! Feel sad about that! Distract yourself with memes! Read some drama about some guy you don't even know!
I get it, some people know how this stuff works and manipulate it to farm engagement/money. Even here on Bearblog, I find myself frustrated sometimes that I can't break through into the top trending list. It's a personal problem with going back and forth on my mindset. "I want to feel heard but I also don't want attention because someone who thinks they deserve the attention more than me is going to get pissed off and start trying to make it a competition. Too many eyes are going to lead to bad things down the line."
I understand why likes/dislikes and algorithms exist. I also hate how I tie my self worth to it sometimes when I want to spill my thoughts. It's a very difficult mindset to break. And honestly, I don't really know what I want. Maybe I just want to feel like I can be real without having to appeal to some weird digital hierarchy. Maybe I'm just burnt out from everything. Maybe I just want to find a spot where I can belong and meet people with similar experiences to mine. If even a small space like this makes me feel stressed, it's definitely time for another break.
-Mimi